We are just a couple of big ol nice gals as one "gentleman" once said. Best friends since high school, we have a lot to say about life, love, family and friends and how we are just trying to feel comfortable in our own skin.

Wednesday, October 6, 2010

Inspiration in the midst of frogs and butter

Yeah, I don't know who created this poem but it's awesome and stupid and inspirational and quite froggy....


Two frogs fell into a bowl of cream.
It was a deep bowl.
One frog was on optimistic soul,
but the other took the gloomy view,
"We'll drown he cried" without more adieu,
and with a last despairing cry
he flung up his legs and said goodbye.
Quoth the other frog with a merry grin,
"I can't get out, but I won't give in".
"I'll just swim around 'til my strength is spent
then will I die with more content".
So bravely he swam until it did seem,
his struggles began to churn the cream.
On top of the butter he finally stopped,
out of the bowl he gaily hopped.
What of this moral?
'tis easily found
If you can't get out, keep swimming around.

Friday, September 10, 2010

Red Sock Bumper Stickers and Old Dudes

I was a bit perplexed on my drive in to work this morning which is a bit unusual for me since I usually try not to think about anything hard enough while I am driving to work to actually be perplexed. Anyway, so there was a black truck in front of me that has a sticker on the back window. Red socks. A pair, with white “patches” on the heel and the toe. What could these red socks possibly represent? A gang…The Red Socks Gang…not so tough. Ok, so maybe the red socks represent something religious...you know like the fish or something. Possibly some super secret society of red sock wearing people that are trying to take over the world? I don’t know, I am all freaked out now.

And speaking of all freaked out, I saw some old dude driving yesterday. Old people who drive freak me out. Especially old people who obviously have sight issues. The old dude had glasses on with blinders on the side, like he was a fucking horse. Don’t you NEED to have your peripheral vision, ESPECIALLY if you are old? I don’t mean to offend old people, but my God….the dude had one foot on the gas pedal and one in the grave.

But, whatever…

Thursday, September 9, 2010


Today is Wonderful Weirdos Day, and I can’t tell you how happy it makes me to know there is a day specifically tailored for ME. I have often been called weird, and my response is usually “Thank You!” I have never understood the need some people have to be like everyone else. That would be intensely boring.

So in an effort to promote this amazing day, and for those of us who fall into this group, I encourage everyone to embrace their weirdness today! If you are new to being weird, or are unsure of what to do, try some of these helpful tips.

1. Mutter lines from movies all day, without explaining why. I am particularly fond of The Hangover quotes. Imagine walking down the hall at work, exclaiming, “you can’t leave a baby in the closet,” or “paging Dr. Faggot.”

2. Walk backwards, skip, or walk “toe to heel” instead of “heel to toe”.

3. Talk like a Pirate…and dress like one. And let me know where you get your wooden leg, I’ve been looking for one!

4. Pretend you are a witch, and put “spells” on people all day.

5. Say “Niiiicccceeee” to everyone, regardless of what they say to you.

6. Dress your top half like a woman, and the bottom half like a man. And alternate voices and names that you respond to.

7. Bring coloring books and crayons with you everywhere, and ask people to help you stay in the lines.

8. Bark, meow, or chirp when people look at you.

9. Park in a parking lot, and get out of the driver’s seat with an assistance cane and dark sunglasses on. Then scream at people to get out of your way because you can’t see!

10. Be yourself. For some of us, that’s all it takes.

Be sure and hug your favorite weirdos today! Hey, that can be #11…Hug random strangers!

I’m Just Sayin’

Wednesday, September 8, 2010

Family and Annoying FB Friends

I read a FB post from an old friend yesterday. It stated that she didn't think that when her dad died that she would be sad but that she was and it was probably because he never told her he was sorry for treating her poorly even though he said those oh so important words to her mom and sister, or was it her brother...anway. Funny thing...I never knew she had a dad. Well, I KNEW she had a dad but I have known her for a very long time and I don't remember her EVER talking about her dad. We were out of touch for many years so I am sure that during those years she had lots of time to reflect on her family or lack thereof. Anyway, I guess my point is that I'm glad my dad is still alive and that although he has lots of faults, I know he loves me AND my brothers and that is a good thing. I also might point out that I have the most wonderful stepfather in the world and that my life would be incomplete without him. And, I only state that because I can never mention my dad without mentioning my stepdad because I think if their good qualities were fused together, they would make the perfect dad. Ok, weird, but that's how I feel about the whole subject.

Speaking of FB (or was I?) I have an issue I need to air out. And for those who don't know what I speak of, FB=Facebook. So, a "friend" who if I remember correctly "friended" me sometime back. I accepted of course because that's just the kind of gal I am. Plus, I always thought this said "friend" was a nice lady so what the hell. So, she posts like a million times a day and I read every single one of them. She is one of those clever posters. Her posts were always entertaining and witty. She was definitely one of the cool kids. One day recently, I noticed not one single post. I figured she was having a bad day and didn't feel like posting anything or had run out of clever things to say, but I couldn't believe the latter was true. So, I asked Morgan if she had seen any of her posts...because Morgan is my BFF we have a few friends in common. Morgan said she had. And, at that point, I couldn't belive it! I had been BLOCKED from receiving posts from someone! How fucking rude! First of all, I rarely commented on this so called "friends" page. Second, why did she think herself so important that I was denied reading her posts? Third, WTF? So, I really don't know what I did to this lady to make her block me. What really bothers me though is WHY it bothers me so much!

Well, whatever....

Drinking, Crazy Family Drama, Vampires vs. Werewolves and… Hermine?

So, after a slightly dramatic weekend, I switched on the news while I was getting ready for work yesterday morning, and found out that a freakin Tropical Storm had hit sometime between my going to bed Friday night and waking up! I mean, I know living on the Gulf Coast means some occasionally freaky weather systems, but this happened so quickly! Everything was fine, then BAM…here comes Hermine! I should have known, the Greek of Hermine means Complete, Universal, Messenger. I think I got the complete message that the universe is out to get me.

To explain, I should say this: My family is crazy. Not all of them. Hell, what am I saying, just about all of them. And really, that’s okay….but sometimes the DRAMA just gets to be like 6th grade lunch period! “Did you hear what Emily said about Scott’s new girlfriends, cousin’s best friend’s dog? Seriously, that’s just nasty!” WTF? Who or what is nasty? The dog or Scott or ….? Never mind, my head hurts thinking about it. Someone get me some Advil! This my friends, is how I sometimes feel with family….like the only way to get through it is to drug up.

So needless to say, after having 10 or 11 (the jury is still out on that one) drinks Saturday night at a bar with some family members, another family member got their feelings hurt because they weren’t “invited.” I hadn’t realized that bars had changed their rules, and you could only enter by personal invite, but I guess that is how this family member thinks, well… when they choose to think.

I’m not sure why someone who doesn’t drink, hates cigarette smoke, and loud metal music would be mad that they weren’t invited to a metal show at a smoke filled bar, but needless to say there is now a whole family drama unwinding on Facebook, and I have decided that I am going to forgo the excitement and join another family. Anyone want to adopt me? I don’t cook much, or like to clean… but I am fun to be around, make a mean Jack and Coke, can down a beer pretty damn quick, and I make an awesome Coca Cola Cake. I have some other wonderful qualities, but to be honest, I can’t list them because my ego just swelled up and doesn’t need another boost!

So after the tense family drama, I tried to spend the rest of the weekend just vegging. I watched several movies, and confirmed my theory that the current Vampire heartthrob isn’t the best actor on the planet when I saw The Bad Mother’s Handbook. To be fair, it was one of his earlier works, and he does seem to have gotten slightly better, but to be honest, I’d rather watch (and by watch I mean stare at while I wipe the drool off my chin) his werewolf costar! It should be against the law for someone so young to be that damned good to look at! I felt like a pervert the first time I said something about his chest, not realizing at the time that he was 17. Yep, 17….. the age when boys are supposed to look like BOYS… not men with rippling muscles that make you want to trace every line on their stomach with your tongue, just to be sure it’s real. Calm down, calm down…he is 18 now, so it’s okay for me to dream about licking all that werewolf sweat off his rippling skin. Damn, what was I talking about? I completely lost my train of thought.

Oh well, I think I am just going to go to sleep tonight and hit the “restart” button, and hope that I can just put the last few days behind me. Getting through all this has been a bit of work, and Labor Day is supposed to be Labor free! Damn Scott and his dog….

I’m Just Sayin’

Friday, September 3, 2010


Allow us to introduce ourselves…. We are Morgan and Elizabeth.

We have been best friends since High School, which wasn’t that long ago. Well, if you consider a couple of decades “not long.” We have been there for each other through bitch sessions, breakups, births, and more bitch sessions. We’ve had our ups and downs, but we always seem to pull through. Well, mostly….we may have pulled through just a little more warped than we were before. Which was pretty warped.

We lead pretty different lives, but we both struggle with so many of the same issues: weight, occasionally ungrateful kids, bad and good relationships, crazy families, and so much more. Mostly, we both struggle with just being comfortable in our own skin, in the lives we are living.

So in one of our countless moments of brilliance (or an inspiration of complete madness – which probably happens more often), we decided to start a blog. In the hopes that there are others out there who are also struggling with some of the same issues, who may enjoy reading the rants and ravings of A Couple of Big Ol Nice Gals.

Take it easy,
B.O.N.G. (no pun intended….well, at least not since High School)